~THIS IS HOW I FEEL~

Pudja - Benar-Benar Pergi * Tuhan berikan aku kekuatan Sebelum dia meninggalkan aku Tuhan beri ku jalan Karena diriku masih mencintainya ** Tak sanggup aku menahan Perihnya dalam hatiku Tak sanggup aku bertahan Dalam kesedihan *** Bila waktu malam akan datang Aku tak mau sendirian Ingin selalu ditemani kamu Memelukku dalam kesepian **** Bila waktu malam mulai sunyi Ku tak mau ditinggal sendiri Ingin selalu sama-sama kamu Hingga nanti kamu benar-benar telah pergi Back to *,**,***,**** Back to **,*** Bila waktu malam mulai sunyi Ku tak mau ditinggal sendiri Ingin selalu sama-sama kamu Hingga nanti kamu benar-benar pergi Back to ***,****

~14.10.2009->SaDDiest MoMent<-

14th October 2009..a date dat woke me from my misery dream, which later turn into a real picture of life..

14th October 2009..a fucking date-hard to forget..a moment of melancholy, a moment of unexpected event which everyone cries and yelled..a moment of  missing an important father..a father who used to love me much, full with memories-which-later turn into a hatred-in which-i never care and forget just to see his last face though i felt been humiliated before and  after..i still called him dad till he died, cz i love him. God, i still remembering all his kindness towards me..he is such a nice person..Why did YOU take away his life from them? i cried badly cz im such a bad person who made a last minute pardon when he died and never heard my heart cries yet, to tell him the truth.. till the last his breathe, he turned off my name in his heart and told everybody im sickie crazy, and yet, i dont care of what his last perspectives on me cz i still love and remembered his kindness.. this is all my fault.. my stupidity-which made me lost a love from two important people in my lifetime...

14th Oct0ber 2009..a date which had take away all the happiness and my pride and loosing for a person whom i loved, a person who had been take care of me when i was sick, a person who always be there for me whenever i was in trouble, a person who never lost guts to anybody, made me brave, eternity placed in my heart..which now all turn into a pieces of history- after 4 months has passing by.. all simply like a-bad-long-dream-misery-night

now im back alone with silent life once again..i lost both of them..lost the live's and lost the death's.. no matter what, im waiting for a miracle from God to be happen..

thnx 2 Apis-who brought me there..and thnx for SyaM-who sent me home and thnx 2 Guby who owez be there for me..

i cant write much cz im so blurr right now..im hatred, speechless and everything dat fucking humiliating me enough....wat a sickie girl i am...

p.s:the last Goodbye,

      for eternity.

      a last minute pardon,

       speechless scar..

       lost his love,

      awaited dream-

       never been back,

      d'cause of regretful life

       a stupid mistake,

       a thousand of sorry,

      dats d'final of an apology-

      for eternity

      in regretful life..

     
      
    

-im back to active my blog again-

Ive been hiding for a long time.
ive been being silence for the short while.
i bet you people wont understand my situation
or what i have been encountered in my life..
i have lost a lot in my lifetime..
i have lost everything..
i have failed myself as a sister, a student, a daughter, even as a lover..

i have been so quiet and ran away from all those wicked people
im here with my silent life, my silent emotions and my regretful life..
I lost within myself and wished you people wont interfere my life.

let me be in this way~
serious and feeling down-that is what i should be.

Im just shutting down myself
And buried my tears in my own heart and soul..
I crusified my love and sacrifice to what it should be..
i bet God give me too much pain..problems..and shit of life..
He has never answered my prayers nor to listen my cries..

You people will never understand and may not understand,
Like the days I never talked to my peers, avoiding them-
didnt mean to off myself, im tired and need tO be alone
Im fucking tired with all the pressures i had..
dont force me with a lot of shit questions- i hate to answer those
and will not respond to it

so here, im activing back my blog..
IM BACK in sally215chill.blogspot.com
do visit me often-if wanted to know D'DIARY OF MY LIFE

IM BACK! WILL POST AS MANY AS POSSIBLE.. WILL COMING SOON